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Sunday, August 31, 2008

Update

It's been a while since I've written anything. It's been even longer since I've done anything writing about! LOL Did want to let ya'll know that the last permanent job . . . thankfully . . . did not work out, but that's ok because I am now working for SEARS Home Improvement Products and all I can say is that I LOVE IT, LOVE IT, LOVE IT! I've never been happier about a job! Great benefits, pay and duties! I have to dress professional every day and that has made me feel better about myself. Something about high heels, a dress and make-up that just makes me feel girly! And believe me, I've never been much of a girly girl so that says a lot! LOL I'm enjoying buying make-up, pretty clothes and shoes! I'm up to about 15 girly shoes! I can hardly believe it! Of course, my love for pocketbooks is just as out of control now as it was before I started working at SEARS! I just keep adding to THAT collection! Really, I'll just have to take pics some day and share with you!

Jay has moved out on his own. Sadly, not exactly the way I wanted things for him right now, but it just has to be like that. Not to get into too much detail, but those of you who know my struggles with him will understand that it just had be done. Right after the July 4th weekend, he assaulted me. No parent should have to live with that kind of a memory or the fear that it instills in someone. I had to go visit him this past Friday and discuss something I knew he would not like and as I was leaving, I kept looking over my shoulder in fear! It saddens me to my very core. No amount of prayer can seem to comfort me right now. I tell myself that the Lord has his plans and reasons for things to happen the way that they have and do. I fear that I am losing Jason to a dark side that I don't understand. I cling to the hope that someday, my prayers will be heard and he will feel God's presence in his life and get past this hurt and anger he feels for me over imagined things that he's come to believe happened during his childhood. Who of us really remembers things as they happened? I know I do not remember everything exactly as it really happened. If I had the energy to relate some of the things that he insists happened in his childhood, you'd have to join me in a moment of laughter! Because at this point, that is all that I can do!

Anyway, he moved out on his own on August 8th. He seems to love his personal space. We rented him a one-bedroom and he hardly uses the bedroom! He set up his bed as a sofa in the livingroom and spends all his time in there! What is one to do? He's trying to figure things out on his own and sometimes that is frustrating for the both of us, but over all, I pray that it continues to get better for him and our relationship . . . what is left of it at this moment anyway. I did things backwards. I rented him the apartment and now we are trying to find him a full-time job. But it just had to be done like that. I couldn't bear to live with him any more. And remember, we have been staying with relatives all this time. I thank God for the love of my sister, Lilly. She seems to at least be able to understand the struggles I've had with Jason and exhibits a great deal of patience with what I am going through right now. Her husband, Clyde, is just forced to go along for the ride and I thank him for loving my sister enough to put up with me too! LOL

Nina has finally come around and is speaking to me again. Her reasons for not communicating with me are complex and difficult to understand, but I am just grateful to have her in my life once again. She plans to come visit the last week of September. I hope that she so enjoys the visit here that she won't want to go back to New Hampshire! LOL As she would have said when she was younger . . . AS IF! LOL Her choices continue to amaze me and the only comfort I get from that is that she often tells me that I raised her right and in God's path and that these choices she is making are hers and no reflection on my parenting. WHEW! I was starting to feel paranoid! LOL She attempts to comfort me with the saying that some good parents have bad kids and some bad parents have good kids and she feels badly that I got bad kids. At least I am finally able to believe that I was not such a failure in parenting my children. Because let me tell you, I was feeling like a big fat zero when it came to that! :(

Anyway, that's the latest update. I hope to soon be back to creating paper art, especially since Halloween is right around the corner and I love making Halloween cards! I just visited my friend, Heidi's, blog and she has an awesome Halloween card. I can't believe I can call her a friend! She's on the design teams for Crafty Secrets (I LOVE THIS PLACE) and Spellbinders! Her talent is just so awesome and intimidating to me. Gee, I hope she also considers me her friend! LOL

Anyway, for those of you who continue to visit me during my absence, thanks for being patient with my lack of blogging of late and I hope you will be back to visit my place again when I can get back on the computer on some sort of regular basis! :)

3 comments:

  1. ema! i have missed you! glad to hear things are better. hugs
    -renee

    ReplyDelete
  2. Here's a big virtual {{{{HUG}}}} for you!
    I am sorry to hear that you have been having problems wtih your son; but I admire your courage to stand up for yourself and how you deserve to be treated. I will keep you - and Jay and Nina - in my thoughts and prayers, that you will find peace and that hurts will be healed and hearts mended and your relationship repaired and strengthened.

    Congrats on your new job!! I'm so happy that you've found one that makes YOU happy!! And I can relate to the getting dressed up making you feel better. When I taught high school, I dressed up every day and felt great!! Now that I'm staying home with baby, some days it doesn't seem worth it to get decked out to the nines. But the days that I do, I feel so much better!!

    Have a wonderful week!! I'll be here, ready to read the next time you post!! (And I still think it would be great to get together sometime - I'll let you know if I ever head over to Lubbock!)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hope you are doing better! I haven't heard from you in some time!! TAke care friend! :)

    ReplyDelete

I love reading comments! Who doesn't? It brightens my days so please leave one and I'll come visit you too! :) Ema

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