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Friday, December 31, 2010

2010 Recapped

This year started with a bang! :)

I had been given a new lease on life and somewhere along the way lost sight of what was important. People on the outside can do that if one is not careful.

2011 shall be different . . . seriously . . . for real . . . life should always be approached like that.

For starters, this year . . .

there will be no time wasted on insigificant people or things . . .

I will buy a car when I am ready . . . .

at the end of each day, I will forgive short comings . . . of others as well as of myself . . .

I will look in the mirror and be proud of all I did and who I was each day . . .

I WILL unpack the office space in my home . . .

regardless of failures . . . I will keep moving forward . . . .

I will believe when I have no reason to believe . . . .

I will learn to be a better golf player . . . .

I will give my all when it is necessary and hold back when it is not . . .

I will lift myself and others up in prayer . . .

I will go to Riodosa and try my hand at gambling . . .

really . . . for sure . . . without a doubt . . . I will let go and let God.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Christmas . . . .

. . . is the worst living nightmare for a single person . . . .

You would think it would be Valentine's Day . . . but that is just one day . . . it starts at 12:01 AM on February 14th of each year and it will be over in 24 hours.

Christmas . . . depending on where you are in your life . . . . can be weeks long . . . there are parties . . . and these can be endless . . . . school parties, office parties, church parties, family parties, friend's parties . . . . a plethora of gifts to buy on one income . . . . unrealistic expectations to fulfill . . . . it is all about the thought . . . . please . . . . be real . . . just when you think you have everyone covered . . . people you haven't thought about in years come climbing out of nowhere . . . . really? . . . . it is all about the thought? . . . . fighting couples buying loving gifts . . . well, OK, that part IS like Valentine's Day . . . . . really? . . . . if you love me . . . you really need one day set aside each year to show me how much you love me instead of a lifetime . . . . . pfffftt . . . . unexpected company . . . . some welcomed . . . . some not so welcomed . . . . "everyone telling you to be of good cheer" . . . . easy for all to say . . . . I like being single . . . . the older I get the more I love it . . . . but the added stress and pressure of the Christmas season is more than a sane person can bear . . . much less a slightly wacky gal! 'Sides . . . . there is only one reason for the season . . . . and glitter, gold, gifts, gab is not it . . . . celebrate the season for the right reason . . . . Jesus Christ came and was born to die for our sins so we can have eternal life . . . . need there be anything else added to this joyous occasion?

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Today I . . .

love . . .


my sloppy three-bedroom home I share with no one . . . costume jewelry . . . day job . . . that I am fortunate enough to be able to have a second job . . . . that I have the energy for a second job . . . chicken salad . . . dancing . . . . clean clothes . . . my daughter . . . shooting pool . . . that Jay does not live with me . . . purses . . . apple orchards . . . tag sales . . . flying . . . receiving flowers . . . oak trees . . . lady bugs . . . ceramic tile . . . dogs . . . Wisk . . . hot tubs . . . gardens . . . rootbeer floats . . . menudo . . . writing . . . sweaters and long sleeves . . . sparklers . . . thunderstorms . . . naps . . . hugs . . . living alone . . . . Thanksgiving holiday . . . the colors yellow, orange and red . . . but especially red . . . FaceBook . . . smelling good . . . cool weather . . . . flirting . . . that I survived last year's automobile accident . . . scarves . . . . leather gloves . . . hand written letters . . . rainbows . . . Xanax . . . pecan pie . . . pretty stationery . . . fresh bread . . . hat boxes . . . colored glass bottles . . . theater . . . lazy afternoons . . . westerns . . . carnivals . . . boots . . . jack-o-lanterns . . . chili pepper decor . . . rubber stamping . . . fresh squeezed orange juice . . . new clothes . . . puzzles . . . white whites . . . fireplaces . . . young love . . . Tejano music . . . pants with pockets . . . the beach . . . flea markets . . . trinket boxes . . . room service . . . long skirts . . . asparagus . . . day dreaming . . . roses and sunflowers . . . being a female . . . still looking good after the automobile accident . . . Dallas Cowboys . . . make-up . . . my bed . . . Clean House . . . quiet moments . . . reading . . . full-service gasoline stations . . . watching people . . . Zumba . . . my friends . . . fall . . . roasted corn on the cob . . . farm tables . . . being noticed . . . Christmas music . . . silk . . . star gazing . . . making cards . . . caramel frappes . . . shopping . . . driving aimlessly . . . turning men's heads . . . Ray Posada . . . laughing . . . crying from joy . . . time alone . . .


dislike . . .


time alone . . . bigots . . . narrow-minded people . . . lazy landlords . . . lost time . . . days after days of hot weather . . . cheating men...and women . . . Lubbock, TX . . . filing at my day job . . . answering the phone, any phone . . . living alone . . . nosy people . . . malicious gossip . . . Minnesota Vikings and Green Bay Packers . . . maintenance on my car . . . doing laundry . . . eating alone . . . hurting . . . crying from pain . . . pumping gasoline in my car . . . microwaves . . . paper towels . . . drive through . . . hurting someone . . . washing dishes . . .


miss . . .


New Hampshire . . .


have . . .


my health . . . two jobs . . . my faith . . . a car . . . a roof over my head . . . family . . . friends . . . two TVs I don't watch . . . washer and dryer . . . stove and refrigerator . . . money in the bank . . . time


want . . .


love . . . Dallas Cowboys to go to the Super Bowl . . . Nina and Jay to be loved, happy and fulfilled . . . but mostly to forget Ray Posada . . .

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Food for thought

Some times what we perceive as hurt was just a loved one’s bad day. I have bad days. I do not intend to hurt those I love when I have a bad day but I can and I have. I do not love them less. It is what they perceive at the moment. I have to believe I can be forgiven for my bad days so I can go on. Sometimes I am not . . . this does not make it the end of the world . . . although it may feel so briefly.

Faith is believing unconditionally. We have faith, if we paid our electric bill, when we flip a switch we will have light. Why then is it hard to have faith in . . . finding hope . . . spending an eternity at peace . . . falling in love . . . after being hurt?

Do not be a victim in life . . . take control of your senses and self. Love unconditionally . . . be happy in that brief moment . . . when hurt, heal yourself . . . and continue the quest.

Often times, we hurt those we love the most . . . without meaning to. Apologize and believe they have the ability to forgive and forget just as you believe you would.

When I do not receive love or respect from whom I have in my life, life is too precious and unpredictable to stay; therefore, it is a blessing when they walk away.

Do not be afraid to love and hurt . . . to be alone out of fear of hurt is not living. What a waste of a majestic resource!

When I hurt . . . I cry . . . I scream . . . I cry again . . . I laugh . . . I heal . . . and life does not end but continues gloriously.

Lies we tell ourselves keep us from living. Stop believing your own lies which keep you from living, loving and having.

When we live in fear … anger … jealousy … hate … envy … betrayal … hurt … we create our own living hell.

I will not punish myself for whom or what I believe I should be. I forgive myself for not being perfect.

Attention is the ability we have to discriminate and to focus only on that which we want to perceive.

Be reckless with love . . . shower it on people . . . throw it to the wind and let it land where it will.

Let it go. Whatever it is that is causing you to be sad . . . angry . . . alone . . . let it go.

Everyone is a mirror.

Inner beauty lasts a lifetime.

Self rejection is unacceptable . . .

Love does not always equal hurt.

Do your best and live life productively.

Sometimes, love hurts but only if we let it.

Plant love . . . laughter . . . dreams . . . hope.

Forgive loved ones . . . and then truly forget.

Be real . . . more importantly . . . be realistic.

Walking away sometimes hurts, but hurts heal.

Perfection is our own interpretation of what it should be.

We can create chaos with our words . . . speak with caution.

The truth is the most important part of being who you are meant to be.

It is normal . . . expected . . . ok to miss companionship. We are all social creatures and are not meant to be alone. Ask my insanely beautiful, wise, young, prodigal daughter. She is the one who gave me permission to do this. I needed the permission.

These are my thoughts on life and help me get through daily battles or struggles. My thoughts are not wrong to me. I hope you read one that transforms your life.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

I don't know what I want or is it I know what I don't want?

I have come to terms that I will always have days when I will know what it is I want from and out of life . . . and there will be days that I won't . . . what does remain constant is knowing what I don't want from or out of life . . . such as . . . condemnation . . . confusion . . . judgement . . . when I give of myself . . . I do it freely . . . especially ever since the accident . . . there is no time to be lost or wasted doing something half-way or against one's will. Life is too unpredictable to live one that is not exactly what I want it to be . . . or the closest I can get to it anyway! Am I the only one that feels this way?

Thursday, March 4, 2010

My dear friend, Ray

This is one of my favorite buffaloes at the moment!


His name is Ray and to me . . . he's the kindest man I know. He always makes me laugh with the funniest sayings. Whenever we get together to have a quick beer and some conversation . . . before I know it four hours have flown by! He knows all my siblings and when I want to tell him a story about our family . . . I don't have to waste time explaining who people are . . . so I am wicked comfortable with him . . . he has always treated me with the utmost respect and I respect him because of his Christian beliefs and work ethic . . . when I look into his eyes I see his kindness towards others and I love his smile . . . he is a VERY giving individual . . . his generous spirit always leaves me in awe and humbles me . . . these are just a FEW of the reasons why he is my favorite buffalo. Everyone should have a friend like Ray in their lives!

Sunday, February 7, 2010

The Final Chapter

I would like to share the final chapter in my ongoing accident saga. How does that Billy Currington song go? God is great, beer is good . . . I think life is good . . . people are crazy . . . I think people are fabulous but after some careful observations I realize . . . Billy knows what he is singing about!

These past three and a half months have seemed endless to me. I did have the surgery on January 21st. I so appreciate the numerous well wishing emails, texts and calls I received before and after the surgery!

According to the surgeon . . . and I happen to agree with him now . . . all went well. I looked like I had gone into battle with my face for a few weeks and during the first week, I felt like I couldn't be myself! During the first week of the healing process, I was not allowed to put anything on my face around the incision area and that was the hardest part for me. I am here to tell you . . . praise God . . . the end is here! I know family and friends who have not seen me since before the accident and only seen photos of the aftermath are curious.

There are some things that will never be the same. During extreme weather, cold or hot, I continue to have pain at the scalp line incision area. There are things I cannot do like I did before . . . some because the accident changed my disposition or abilities . . . some because I am way more cautious . . . in other words . . . I am no longer graceless! lol I am still exhibiting those ""cute" "sweet" "endearing" "scatterbrain" moments some of my loved ones seem to adore so much . . . but they do come further and further apart. I have come to appreciate the good times I had in life that made me the fun person I am . . . the tragic events that made me the caring, kind, forgiving person I continue to evolve into . . . the trials and tribulations I have endured that did not make me a bitter, angry woman . . . and the ability I have always had to see the glass half full and to make the best of things. I am happy with what I have . . . because . . . it IS all I can have.

Before I share the outcome, I want to share some thoughts. Why not? Whether these words are read or not is not for me to know. What I do know is that I want to share these thoughts and what better avenue do I have for doing so? Since the accident, things changed. I knew I had many friends . . . I discovered the love and loyalty of some of these friendships. I knew my family loved me . . . I discovered the depth of their love. I knew co-workers were fond of me . . . I discovered their sincere affection for me. I am so grateful to all of my loved ones who lifted me on their wings when I could not soar . . . I was wrapped in prayer and kindness when I felt faithless and lost . . . I was showered in love when I had none to give . . . these same loved ones were my umbrella when self-pity rained on me. After all that has happened, I have finally found what I have been looking for what seems like a lifetime. I found it in Him . . . and because of Him . . . I have also found it in me. Things may not be perfect in my world . . . but in my eyes and mind . . . I see things that are perfect for me. I am completely at peace . . . with whom and what I have in my life. I cannot even begin to express how touched I feel at this moment for having loved ones share in this journey with me. My life was impacted in ways others will never begin to understand . . . with kind words . . . love . . . presence . . . all of these actions have completed me in some way.

I have chosen pictures that I think tell the whole story . . . all the changes I have gone through of late. I couldn't share the post-photos right after because I could barely look at them myself. These made all the changes more real! I can look at them now and see the difference and be grateful for the skilled surgeon and God who guided his steady hand. I am relieved that I do not look like an entirely different person. People still recognize me! This is all good!

This picture is from the day after the surgery, January 22nd.

This picture is from January 24th, three days after surgery.

This picture is from January 27th.

This picture is from February 5th.

I am at peace with all of this!

Friday, January 29, 2010

A little peek . . .



We had a group photo taken at work Thursday . . . the same day of the latest "blizzard." It almost felt as if we only went to work to take the photograph! lol We were allowed to go home at 11:00 because the weather was just so bad! Driving home I had to pull over three times and scrape the ice off the wipers! That is bad . . . for Lubbock anyway . . . no plows . . . completely unprepared for this kind of weather that is only normal in NH . . . no shovel . . . no rock salt or sand . . . just being sent home to wait out the weather! And yet . . . I found a friend willing to come pick me up in this miserable weather to have dinner and drinks with! Couldn't work but was able to spend time with a friend! lol I find that amusing . . . on the other hand . . . since the accident . . . I promised myself I would take care of friendships before work . . . and I did! :) Anyway, I thought I would share a post-surgery picture. Stitches were taken out Wednesday . . . just in time for the mandated photograph. Guys at the office all said I looked nice but then . . . they all love me! Why would they say anything different? Then we come to find out Friday morning that we have to take the photograph again! On Tuesday! I am fine with that . . . I will be more healed and bruising and swelling will not be so noticable. :) Anyway, here is a peek at my healing . . .
I am starting to be able to see myself in the mirror when I have a look these days . . . if you can follow that thought! For weeks now, everytime I looked in the mirror . . . I didn't recognize the face that looked back! :( I am starting to see the old me in the mirror! I am very happy about that! :)

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

I am so HAPPY!

If it weren't for my heavy shoes . . . I would be floating on air! I am so happy to finally have the surgery behind me . . . I feel that this is the beginning of the end . . . I can see . . . I am no longer afraid to drive . . . I can now see my blind spot . . . I am all swollen and bruised but that will be over soon . . . compared to waiting for the surgery anyway . . . I can honestly say that I am ready to accept whatever the future holds for me and my face . . . I really am so happy that I can see!

The only downfall is that I do not have my beloved prodigal daughter to share this with . . . but really . . . that is not anything new . . . I will have to be patient and wait for the great equalizer! :)

Saturday, January 16, 2010

What Happened?

I realized today as I sat watching hours of TV . . . today is the second half of January! This year was going to be better than last . . . I was to accomplish more than I have over the past few years . . . not sure what happened?

Well, ok, I am waiting to have surgery that I feel has my life on hold . . . but I am not sure why! My face is only one part of who I am! I am still the fun-loving, funny, lovable gal I have always been . . . with maybe a little more patience . . . a little more kindness . . . a little more understanding . . . a little more tolerant . . . a little more forgiving! I do not understand why I feel I should put my life on hold because one of my eyes is a little fallen. According to an opthamologist . . . it is fixable . . . and if it is fixable . . . there really isn't anything wrong with me!

Well, ok, I am recovering from a bad cold that has kept me indoors all this weekend. But this should not have kept me from accomplishing great things within my home! I have things that need fixing . . . things that need hanging . . . things that need cleaning! On the other hand, I have been pumping myself full of Thera-flu so that I can be well for the upcoming surgery that I feel has my life on hold. It is important that I take care of myself!

Anyway, next time you see me . . . if I am sitting down doing nothing . . . please . . . pull the chair out from under me! I have LOTS of living left to do and I do not want to put it off any more!

This is the year that I will accomplish so much . . . I will live more . . . I will do more . . . I will be more . . . I will love more!

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