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Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Unanswered Prayers

I sit here thinking of Garth Brooks' song by the same title and can't help but feel the same... maybe not for the same reason... but in awe of how God guides us in His plan.

I prayed God would change things for me at the office... I prayed for something quite differently and my prayers were not answered as I requested... but I was removed from the horrible work environment that weighed heavy in my life. I wouldn't leave this job that had become a living nightmare because of the fear of losing health insurance. For the longest time, I kept dreaming of doing something completely different from what I was doing. I felt my hands were tied in all of this... completely without any control over my life because of leukemia and my need for health insurance.

I did lose my job. The day I lost the job, I was surprised at how calm I was. I expected to be quite hysterical. The days since, I have felt absolutely fabulous. No headaches, no tummy troubles. My MD had told me a few months back to reduce the amount of stress in my life because it would alleviate a lot of symptoms and would be better for my heart and quality of life... and know what? He was right on the money!

I've discovered there is help out there available for me to overcome some of the obstacles I saw in my path. One of the things about the COBRA is the cost of the premium ... worst case scenario ... I would have to go to UMC and apply for financial assistance with them. Only issue I saw with that is I would have to switch doctors. Today, Dr. Cruz informs me he is relocating to San Antonio. Gonna have to switch MDs after all. I cannot receive assistance with my meds unless I have no health insurance. I am gonna pay my COBRA premium as long as I can... but the day I can no longer pay for it ... I have help waiting in the wings. :)

I went to a temp agency to sign up for an infamous call bank center job. I worked there before I found a permanent job. It was a nightmare! I was prepared to go back there in order to remain employed in some capacity. In reviewing my application, I explained to the recruiter that I was really looking for something different. I didn't want to sit behind a desk answering phones, filing, faxing, copying or dealing with the ins and outs of an office environment anymore. He had a position I might be interested in... get this... I can work 8-4, 4-12 or 12-8. Shifts run from Sunday through Wednesday and Wednesday through Saturday... at a weigh station for trucks. No phones, allowed to bring books to read and pays about $5 less per hour. I cannot tell you how excited I am about this job! I have some money left from the settlement from my "little accident" back in 2009. Jay still lives at home and agreed to do so until the house was paid off which is in about five years. Jay tells me ... he's got my back. :) I chose the 12-8 shift and I don't care if it's Sunday through Wednesday or Wednesday through Saturday. Eight o'clock will be my five o'clock... I can run errands, schedule my medical appointments, do my shopping... take Jay to work at 12:30... come home and sleep in the quiet house all evening... get up and pick him up at 9 and get ready for work. This is an older neighborhood. I haven't seen any kids playing in the neighborhood in the evenings. Even if that were to change... I am deaf in my left ear and can easily block out sounds by sleeping on my right side. :) I have dark drapes that block out light... PERFECT! Drapes are brown and my bedroom is in white but if that really starts to bother me... I am sure I can find drapes in a color to match... I like to match... I like things to match. :) Plus ... when I use to get off at 5 ... I found it difficult to walk for my health ... it almost never failed ... heat, rain, or more heat ... at eight in the morning ... the heat has not set in! :)

The amount of stress that disappeared from my shoulders has been liberating. I feel wonderful!

Today ... Dr. Cruz tells me I am in deep remission ... no leukemia cells at all! Praise God!

God may not answer all prayers ... but He answers what we need. :)

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