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Wednesday, May 29, 2013

I'm Special!

Did you miss me? :) Did anyone even notice it's been over a week since my last post. I've had health issues and did not feel like writing and sharing all of these at the time. Shocking! I know! I have laid in bed quite a bit of late. Watching a LOT of television. Fatigued, short of breath, feeling yucky and a little sorry for myself.  Not necessarily because of my plight... but because I've been carrying extra burdens and I'll tell you about it but first...

Despite all life has handed me, I am resilient... I've always seen the glass half full... trusting the Lord's infinite wisdom for my life... proof:

Me: Oncologist tells me I'm an anomaly. You know what that means?
Hershey: Odd? Peculiar? Unusual?
Me: No! I'm special!

:)

It IS this way of thinking that has gotten me through many trials and tribulations throughout my lifespan. I've had LOTS and LOTS of bad things happen to me... and not just the ones I've shared over the past five and a half years on this blog. I've always been determined to not sit and feel sorry for myself but instead make a plan and institute it. Immediately. Sometimes I fail though... I'm only human.

A few weeks ago, I posted on my profile page on Facebook, a prayer request for my brother, Jimmy. He was having a biopsy performed on his lung because MDs thought they found cancer in his lungs.

Well... I like to do research. I've not pestered Dr. Cruz, and now Dr. Chilli, about my worries but needless to say, I've had questions each time I went to see either one. :) I want to be educated about what I am going through.

So... I researched Jimmy's official diagnosis which is KIDNEY cancer and not lung cancer and it IS SERIOUS. I've had weeks of knowing things Jimmy and our sisters do not suspect. Today, I am attending the MD appointment with Jimmy to ask questions he did not ask. My oldest sister, Lilly, went to the last appointment and when they left it was with even more questions. :-\ I don't understand that. From what Jimmy and Lilly DO know is that he does also have cancer in his lung. My brother opted for treatment with chemotherapy. 

In my research, kidney cancer that has metastasized to other organs is Stage IV cancer and chemotherapy does NOT do anything much to help. The reason Jimmy opted for chemo is because one, he's a stubborn male, and two, he refused surgery. Plus... his original response was to refuse acceptance of the diagnosis and discuss any options for treatment. His oncologist wanted to remove the tumors from the git go. I'm not sure what brought my brother around to opt for treatment but after taking the chemo and becoming quite ill, he's prepared to go in discussing surgery. Yay! :)

Knowing what I know, my list of questions is quite short. In discussing these with my sisters, their list of questions are rather long because they are asking questions I found answers to in my research. The only reason I did not share my knowledge with them is because of fear that they would insist on telling Jimmy and, again I feared, he might change his mind about further treatment. I do not trust my sisters to keep things to themselves. Based on his past decisions, I don't trust Jimmy to make wise decisions. I have felt a great deal of guilt about this. I would want to know these things if someone else knew what I did not know.

When I pick up Jimmy to take him to his appointment, I'm arriving early. I thinking of asking him if he wants to know what I know. I'm more scared of this than I've ever been in facing any kind of treatment I've had to go through. I'm hoping he will not give up and decide not to follow through. This is my biggest fear. Should I continue to keep what I know to myself? I don't know what the right thing is here. Do I tell Jimmy? Do I wait and allow the MD to inform him?

The appointment is at 1 PM. Please say a little prayer as you go about your day that, one, when the time comes I know to do the right thing and, two, surgery is still an option. 

Thanks for stopping by! :)

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