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Thursday, May 9, 2013

It Is ALL About Me

A couple of weeks ago, I met Maria M. on Some Odd World. She introduced herself to me as a fellow crafter living in the same fair city I call home! Talk about exciting! :)

Today, as this posts to my blog, we will be meeting for the very first time. We plan to have lunch at a deli near the town university. I am bringing a bag of goodies I got for her. A few scrappy items I hope she can use, a Dove milk chocolate bar with almonds and this card:
I made this for her yesterday and posted it to my blog last night. I just couldn't write it was for her because she reads my blog. :) Isn't that nice of her! I hope she likes the card and gifts. :)

Today almost didn't happen. If you've followed my life, and I imagine my imaginary friends have to some degree... ;) lol... you know I have been taking Sprycel to control the CML. When I began taking this medication, I knew a side effect could be heart disease and / or renal failure. I took the pills anyway because I want to live!

Well, I haven't been living for the past few months. I've been having severe anxiety, massive headaches, shortness of breath, heart palpitations, nausea and, on occasion, diarrhea. I thought at first it was from a stomach bug I caught at a family picnic. Turns out, after many tests, it is the onset of heart disease. How diarrhea and nausea have anything to do with heart disease is beyond me. My brother has been diagnosed with kidney cancer but they took a biopsy from his lung. He went in with what we all thought was bronchitis. He caught a cold and it lead to a bad cough. :-\ The wonders of science and medicine!

Once again, I do not believe I survived a near fatal accident in 2007 and went into remission from leukemia to be brought down this easily. There are treatment options to explore. It might be putting a little bit of a stumbling block for my schooling but not anything that cannot be overcome. I refuse to lose my optimistic view on life. I refuse to wallow in self-pity. In all of this... I've tried desperately to not complain. Some days, it's a wonder I get out of bed at all much less bathe and dress myself. On occasion, I've found myself having an awesome pity party and wishing I'd sent out invitations. Because in the midst of ALL. Of. This... I am only human. 

Why post this here? Because I don't know where else to post it. In case something should happen to me out of the blue, I'd like to know someone could come on here and read it and realize... oh... that's why she hasn't been on FB. :) I'm considerate that way. lol I don't want to post this on FB. It cannot be said with a status update. It needs to be a post. I have so much to say! :) 

So last night, about 3 AM, I woke feeling ill and I continue to feel ill as I write this. I'm still going on my ... what I've been affectionately calling ... "blind date". If the last thing I do is meet someone from my home town who loves crafting as much as I do, I'll be a happy camper! :) What if I were to have to go to the hospital after meeting with her? I'd like to think she'd be kind enough to think, "Gee, maybe I should go to her house and pick up her Copics and some images for her to color!" and then she would! :) lol My world inside my head is a very pleasant place to be where all the people are kind to each other. :) It has to be... my reality sometimes sucks. 

In all that has happened with my health, my MD has always stressed to reduce the amount of stress in my life. haha I've tried. I do only what makes me happy as often as I can. If I had been born rich instead of beautiful, there would definitely be much less stress. So if you are reading this and you've not heard from me, remember this.

Do not judge me because I do not do the things you think I should be doing. No one is walking my path with me. I am doing this alone. Some days... it takes more courage than others and so for now... to me anyway... It. Is. All. About. Me.

2 comments:

  1. Wow. I just want to say how much I admire you! Your strength , upbeat, never giving up and just being you. I've had quite a few bad times in my life and going through right now , I wish others could have what you feel in your mind, your strength and being positive. All we can do is live for today and tomorrow's another day, might be bad or good but on the end we get through it. Keep it up honey! You have one blogger who listens to your ramblings and understands you too.
    Good luck in all you do
    Hugs xxx

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    Replies
    1. Thank you! Gosh! I'd forgotten I'd even written this! Sometimes it's nice to go back and read what I've written and think to myself, WHO wrote that! ;) lol Picked me up a bit too! I'm glad you commented and reminded me things aren't always so bad. :)

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I love reading comments! Who doesn't? It brightens my days so please leave one and I'll come visit you too! :) Ema

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